Time to reflect

Sometimes change is necessary because you have to put yourself first

Life has a weird way of turning some events into dramatic, eye-opening experiences.

I have basically spent the last month laid up in bed. Between the surgery on my foot and another major surgery that followed, there have been a lot of times I have needed things from friends, but many are just not available.

I am finding that the village I walk with is thinning out — the differences in how we have to parent, how we have to worry and how we have to advocate draws a divide.

Reflecting on who we are is such a hard part of growing as a person, and it is something I’ve had a lot of time to do lately.

I often feel as though my life is sometimes viewed as a spectator sport. Like, I can be a good person to keep around because the struggles I endure are a “there for the grace of God go I” for others.

I know my ability to talk about my experiences with prematurity and raising a son on the spectrum impacts others.  I can freely offer these experiences without getting anything in return.

However, there are times when personal relationships have to be reevaluated, because there are built-in expectations.

These moments of re-evaluation are almost like a rebirth, but they do not come without a sense of loss. I have always been a people pleaser to a fault. I have danced around things that matter to me as to not step on other people’s toes. But, recently, through learning more about who I am, I am learning to love myself first.

I am proud of my bleeding heart, my sensitive emotions and my ability to connect with others who are going through trying times. But I also need to find pride in loving myself and put my needs above all else.

The notorious RBG said: “Fight for the things you care about,” and that is exactly what I vow to continue to do.

Lauren Martone is a blogger for ParentingNH from southern New Hampshire. You can contact her at lmart0825@gmail.com. Lauren and her family’s story were featured in the July 2015 issue of ParentingNH and in the July 2018 issue.


Categories: Carter’s Corner