One step forward, two steps back

Someone compared the last four months to driving in a sudden, unexpected rain storm.

You know, the type where your wipers can’t keep up, you can feel the water pooling all around your car and you can’t see two feet in front of your car?

Your heart is pounding because you just don’t know what you should do. Do you pull off to the side or keep going? The anxiety builds until the rain finally lets up just a little so you can take a breath. It’s an amazing analogy for everything going on now.

I had to (again) apologize to a good friend of mine for being so contradictory. One day I’m never leaving the house again, and the next my anxiety has eased a bit.

These last four months have been the opposite of everything that brings me comfort and peace in my mental space. The cycle seems to just go on and on. I live every day in a constant state of uncertainty and limbo. I am an extreme Type A personality. I like a plan – a clear-cut plan. I like a paved path and knowing exactly where I am going.

The pandemic experience is similar to our NICU experience. The kids would make a huge gain toward discharge, but take two steps backwards.

We still don’t know what school will look like, if there is school, this fall. The number of COVID-19 cases are rising all around the country, but some states continue to ease restrictions. I don’t know all the answers, but I wish society could collectively get on the same page.

Expectations that everyone adheres to may help us all a little with our anxiety. I want to run out the door, take my kids to the bowling alley and amusement park, but the realist in me knows we just aren’t there.

Lauren Martone is a blogger for ParentingNH from southern New Hampshire. You can contact her at Lauren and her family’s story were featured in the July 2015 issue of ParentingNH and in the July 2018 issue.


Categories: Carter’s Corner