I’m right where I’m supposed to be
Life has thrown a bunch of curve balls at me, but I know this is the path I'm supposed to be on
You get what you get and you don’t get upset. That’s a common phrase in this household.
But, it’s really hard to accept what you get sometimes when your dreams and expectations are derailed.
When my husband and I decided to start a family, I was at the height of an awesome career. I worked my tail off putting myself through college so that I could fulfill some lifelong dreams.
I had always envisioned myself to be a teacher or mental health counselor but somehow, I ended up in sales — pharmaceutical sales to be exact. I loved my career. I never thought I would have to trade it in when I had kids. I always saw myself as a full-time working mom.
But then Carter was born at 26 weeks 4 days. His ability to be able to live and thrive was only 75% when he was born. I was catapulted into a decision the universe made for me.
Sometimes we are able to decide to change ourselves and other times, life takes over and forces us to change. It has taken me 6 1/2 years to be able to talk about aspects of his birth without crying; 6 1/2 years for naturally occurring births to not be a trigger for me. And truthfully, they still trigger me, but I am able to be more mindful and handle the resentment and emotions attached to it. I, now more than ever, truly believe that when the universe makes a choice for you, it was the right one. Life unfolds as it should for each one of us.
I often lose faith in this when life is hard; mostly I lose faith in myself. So, I try to continue and trust my inner self, my gut. I try to remind myself that this path unfolded for me for a reason.
Maybe it’s my own growth, or the growth of my special children, that helps me to believe in miracles, or stops me in my tracks and makes me revisit my inner self. My most valuable life lessons and deepest connection to my inner self comes through these traumas that have occurred throughout my life (not just two premature births but past traumas, too). Each has a spot in my world that is supposed to be there.
No matter how hard it is or has been, life has placed me right where I am supposed to be. At least this is my belief and my reminder that growth can be hard and painful. Change is irritating and scary but I am right where I need to be.
Lauren Martone is a blogger for ParentingNH from southern New Hampshire. You can contact her at email@example.com. Lauren and her family’s story were featured in the July 2015 issue of ParentingNH and in the July 2018 issue.