Hate is not just a phase

James Alex Fields Jr., 20, had just moved out of his mother’s house a few months ago into his own apartment. He had a job with a security company in Ohio, and before that served briefly in the U.S. Army.  

And on Aug. 12, James became a domestic terrorist.

Tensions escalated that Saturday between white nationalists at a “Unite the Right” rally and counter protesters in Charlottesville, Va. A counter protestor, Heather Heyer, 32, was killed, after James drove his car at high speed through a crowd.

James’ mother told media outlets that she never talked to her son about politics and had no idea he was a white nationalist. School officials and high school friends said his fascination with the Nazis wasn’t a secret. He’d draw Swastikas in class and expressed a “fondness for Hitler.” Law enforcement reportedly visited the Fields’ house several times for domestic violence complaints.

The signs that a tragedy is imminent may be staring us in the face, but we don’t always pay enough attention or take them seriously.

After the mass shooting at Columbine High School in 1999, and subsequent violent acts committed by teens and young adults — statistically mostly males — we’ve heard a lot of the same. He had trouble making friends; he was a loner; he was angry; he had radical beliefs.

And how many times have we heard, I never thought he’d do something like that or I didn’t think he was really going to do it?

The best thing parents can do is simple, but not always easy — be proactive and talk to your kids. Find out how they feel about difficult topics and ask why they feel that way.  If they give you an answer that troubles you, deal with it. Also be sure to model tolerant and accepting behavior and be careful what you say around your kids, even in jest, because they will internalize it (for more about teaching tolerance, turn to Page 22).

Even though parents heavily influence their child’s value system, there can be outside forces that are more powerful, and any child from any background is susceptible. That is why it is up to all of us — when we see a child or teen that is in trouble — to step in.

Whether it was his need to belong, or to be a part of something larger than himself or something innate that moved him toward a vile ideology, James is wholly responsible for his actions.

But James’ life may have turned out differently if his radical beliefs and violent tendencies had been addressed fully when he was a teenager. We can’t brush off and dismiss bad behavior as a phase or something they will grow out of. We need to take what they say and their actions seriously, no matter how old they are.  

More Letters from Editor Melanie Hitchcock

25 years down, with many more to go

Whether it’s talking to your neighbor or your pediatrician, or reading a book or magazine article or going online, parents are always searching for experts to point them in the right direction and help them navigate the parenting journey.

It might be time for us to call it quits

We have been attached for nine or so years but now I’m questioning our relationship.

If they walk out, we need to step up

We want our kids to be good citizens, so it is hypocritical to discourage them from acting on their convictions.

This generation might just change the world

Today’s tweens and teens have never known a world without terrorism, economic uncertainty and climate change.

Lawmakers must reject the school choice bill

In an editorial published last May, I argued Senate Bill 193, New Hampshire’s school choice bill, was a bad idea. Even with some changes over the past several months, it still is.
Edit ModuleShow Tags

E-Newsletter Signup

Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Most Popular Articles

  1. Mother’s Day weekend events and places to take mom
    Need a Mother's Day gift idea? Check out special Mother’s Day events and local attractions...
  2. What to do with dad on Father's Day weekend
    Check out special Father’s Day events and NH attractions where admission is free for dads on...
  3. Free summer events and activities for families
    Summer fun doesn’t need to cost a thing if you know where to look. Here’s a New...
  4. Things to do Memorial Day weekend
    Activities and events happening for families during Memorial Day weekend across the Granite State
  5. Kid-friendly summer theatre
    Discover the fun and excitement of New Hampshire’s summer theater scene
Edit ModuleShow Tags